Aries - Haste makes waste. Try something new by using your brains for once.
Taurus - Your appetite is legendary. So is the size of your ass.
Gemini - See a shrink. Enough said.
Cancer - Get out and make real friends, friends that don’t have fake fur for skin.
Leo - Could you possibly be any more of an attention whore? We don’t think so.
Virgo - Mistakes are your stock and trade. Get a new stock and trade.
Libra - There’s a zillion choices in life. Fucking pick one already.
Scorpio - It’s about your sense of fashion… and lack thereof.
Sagittarius - Bathing once a week is really not sufficient. Just sayin’
Capricorn - Don’t look but your integrity is down on the floor with my cigarette butt.
Aquarius - Get a job.
Pisces - Without your psychotic asses, drug companies would go out of business.